It is challenging not to share about my sadness, my grief, and how death seems to be a shadow for now: a family member, a human rights advocate/inspiring pilgrim, and the irreversible chance of not being there to convey my parting words.
Of late, I told a friend to write to her relative all her feelings and to put that letter next to a statue. I was actually getting advanced instruction for my heart and soul. I am glad my hubby, children and grandchildren are comforting me. Still, my tears have to flow…
It turns out that weird night when I felt so so so cold and a fleeting shadow passed by that compelled me to get up and check on the three brothers. There was no causative source for that shadow, yet I briefly saw it. May you rest in peace!
Still, I respect your wishes not to write about you, so I am writing about my feelings – how you stood up twice for me, how you lectured me on the concepts of self love, self care, and self worth.
Looking at the past family gatherings, I am grateful for your support, your quiet elegance in showing me you care about my success – back then, I measured it with a leadership award from an industry group – how shallow that feels now as I look back.
Somehow, I feel comforted that you are no longer in pain. What I am grateful for is that I earnestly offered masses for your healing while on a pilgrimage for Our Lady of Guadalupe a year ago and for each church altar photo that I shared, you texted me with so much affection, love and warmth. It felt like we were part of a prayer group.
You even connected the tilma that I gave you with a prior gift you got. Know that if I had the powers to lift your pain, I would have. But, I don’t have those powers, only the diligence to pray. For now, I am certain you are up there – guide me to do what is right all the time, and to only give love, as I serve others. I am glad we were able to say I love you many times on texts and on the phone.