FR. RANDY Odchigue, Ph.D. described grace as getting the blessings you don’t deserve and not receiving the punishment due.That simple statement allowed me to harvest the grace in my life which profoundly became my defining moments.
Grace first appeared to me through my parents, Eleazar and Asuncion.
From Eleazar, I learned generosity of spirit — to love and to be a gardener of souls, one that sees the beauty in hearts and spirits. From Asuncion, I learned fierceness of ambition and the right of women to pursue their dreams. She taught me focused discipline and how to pursue your dreams with hard work.
From both of them, I got the best education — from St. Rita’s College, where I learned love and social justice is to be shared with a community, and University of the Philippines, where I learned critical thinking.
From that university, I learned what it is to be free, to freely express myself, but also to think without constraints and limits.
The second appearance of Grace to me are my sisters: Rose, Sion, Rachel and Nimfa. One of them is here, my favorite, Sion Ferrer. She and I have journeyed life together. She will tell you as she credits me and I will credit her now — we save each other from falling into the precipices of challenges. We save each other by pointing out what is good in a personal crisis, and character (good character is most important of all), and not to become desperate. She and I are partners in making sure we stay in the lighted path that our parents showed us.
The third appearance of grace to me is my husband, Enrique — a retired professor and chair of Asian American Studies at CalState University in Northridge. He is the love of my life, who showed me that spirituality is not just inside the Church, but it can be found in the stillness of nature: in the mountainous trails we climb, in the depths of colors that we see in sunrise and sunset and what it means to dream with the moon in the background and in service to the community.
He also saved my life twice — once, when I hemorrhaged 9 days after giving birth to my beloved son, Carlo. He nursed me back to health, he fed our newborn, took care of our first born Corina (who was barely four years old) and cooked for us, while still sustaining a full-time job and being part of the Anti Martial Law Movement, which brought back democracy to the Philippines. A second time, in Leyte when I had a triple breakdown of my system from asthma, influenza and allergies, he walked miles to reach a pharmacy so I can have my medication.
The fourth appearance of grace to me is my very good friend, Fritz Friedman, who is the Senior Vice President of Worldwide Publicity at Sony Studios and the highest ranking Filipino-American in Hollywood today.
He credits me for being his partner in community causes, but I credit him with teaching me invaluable things that changed my life qualitatively — that is to be bold, and to think big for the community.
Apl.de.Ap’s Hollywood Bowl’s concert on July 8 would not have been possible 12 years ago, but with Fritz’s guidance, we learned not to compromise with quality. Why not?, he says. We are God’s creatures. Why should we think small for our community, not deliver the best there is and even to ourselves? But more importantly, he taught me that you must keep your word, you must tell the truth, and you must act honorably. It is from Fritz’s example that I learned grace, even when detractors vehemently attacked me. Tonight, his partner, Jeff traveled a distance too, more than three hours, to be with me tonight.
The fifth appearance of grace to me is Cora Oriel, the publisher of Asian Journal and her visionary husband, Roger Oriel. Tonight, they are receiving the Community Service Award from Immaculate Heart of Mary Church’s community and pastors, Fr. Rodel Balagtas and Fr. Miloy Pacanza.
Both are businesspersons, successful enterpreneurs, and both taught me not to focus on my detractors but on the community, the country and the world. Cora taught me the value of consistent positive thinking and consistent right actions that resonate for generations to come. From her, I learned even more to pay attention to where grace comes from and to keep praying.
The sixth appearance of grace for me is Hydee Ursolino Pichai. From Hydee, I learned to trust more of my artistic instincts and to stay open-hearted to receive and accept God’s grace in any form. It is from Hydee that I learned to trust more that the Universe will always provide in my daily art of writing and creating. She brings enormous joy and highest standards of quality in my community and personal life of documenting what we do.
The seventh appearance of grace for me is Benel Se-Liban and her family, Cris and JP, who, as a unit travel the rest of the world, run after buses and trains and teach me the value of having fun and playing as a family together, praying together and eating together. With them, I have the heartiest meals and the most profound conversations about community leadership.
The eighth appearance of grace to me is Fr. Rodel, the pastor of IHMC. He not only welcomed me warmly, he opened my heart to what is true grace: The Grace of Mama Mary and the Grace of God’s love. In opening up my heart to these sources of divine love, my writing got easier to do, inspiration appeared everywhere and it seemed like doors to my dream got opened.
Who would think and even imagine that in one week, I could see live the actions of two presidents, Obama and Aquino? I never even imagined it, nor planned for it, but in practicing heroic love, loving even those who do not deserved it as my mind would say, I became self-contained, and I gained emotional and spiritual peace. But, that grace also came in the form of profound wisdom of Fr. Miloy, who in the ordinariness of things, gets to harvest what is truly profound in our relationships with God, nature and each other.
Finally, the last appearance of grace to me is my momma Rocio and her warm, gentle, kind unconditional love for me. This is why we call her momma because she is a gentle, kind mother to me. Yes, she is my girl friend, one of my best friends. But when she gives me the “look” or kind advice, it is about opening up my heart even more. Tonight, she has three generations of Nuyda, ever so fashionable, but radiating their inner beauties of grace personified: Carlyn, Faye and Eloise.
To Pete Avendano, to Venice Avendano, to Mike Zuniga, to Susan Alcantara, you are not just my church friends, you are all grace, personified. So are you, Bernardo Bernardo and Annie Nepomuceno.
So to all of you, I thank you for showing me GRACE, which I don’t deserve at times, but for which I am most grateful for! I am spiritually richer because of all your living examples. I am so happy tonight, I can say I have lived up to what my parents taught me – to give and receive grace! Maraming salamat po!
SARAP talagang mabuhay. May Panginoong pinagkakagastahan ng buhay. Makabuluhan ba ang pinagkakagastusan ng buhay mo?” (“Life is pleasurable joy. When God is the center of your life. When your life is spent in the service of God. Has your life been spent with meaning and purpose?
Rev. Fr. Camilo Pacanza, 2013
Fr. Camilo Pacanza has not met Fe Israel Benito. Yet, his homily’s essence on the Feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary might as well have been about Fe ’s life of charity and compassionate service to others for 40 years.
Fe has served a lot of people through the Catholic charities in the Philippines and in the United States. Her love for family and for our community’s culture were made manifest in food, plays, concerts, haranas and kundimans.
Serving God by helping the needy
Fe said: “I believe I was created by God to serve humanity.”
She was born Oct. 20, 1930 and was named “faith” by her parents, Primitivo Macaraeg Israel and Rosita Estantino Parajas.
After graduating from the University of the Philippines, Fe immigrated to the United States in 1964.
Following her calling to serve God, she became involved with the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. GMA News reported that “Fe has been credited for the development of important service programs focused on the needs of the hungry, the homeless, the poor and the new immigrants, including coordinating the annual Christmas program of Catholic charities, a festive affair for the city’s indigent children. She was behind the success of the food bank at the St. Mary’s Center in Hollywood that distributed food to low-income and impoverished families.”
In the 1980’s, Central American refugees came to America, fleeing war and genocide. Faced with a tsunami of needs from thousands of them, Fe became their advocate, looking for resources which she can mobilize for their needs. “Long before the internet and the computers, Fe became known as ‘TFC’ — the Filipino connection, who knew how to access resources for these needy families,” said Rev. Msgr. Padraic Loftus.
In Los Angeles, she became a case manager directing four community centers in East and South Los Angeles, Hollywood and central city for Catholic charities. She saw her budget line item of $100,000 dwindle to zero, while helping needy families with their utilities.
Fe remained undaunted and looked for resources. Paul Kahn of Dunn Realty donated a huge space for St. Mary’s Center, free of rent, according to Rev. Msgr. Loftus.
On Feb. 16, 2007, at a gala attended by thousands in Century City, Fe Israel Benito became the first Filipina to be recognized by Cardinal Roger Mahony for her distinguished service to Catholic charities, along with the luminaries of Los Angeles: Richard Dunn, Anita Finie, Philip Hawley and Steven Sample. Since 1994, this gala event has been credited with raising millions for the needs of indigent families.
Daring, loving and feisty Wonder Woman
To Ted’s friends who met Fe, she was a “Wonder Woman,” — “a working woman who made us all laugh,” said Meg Thornton.
To some, she was the life of community events. She was always looking for a partner for her son, Theodore (aka Ted) and reveling in his accomplishments.
On Ted’s 40th birthday party, “his mother was determined to outperform Ted by putting on a Wonder Woman’s costume and chasing her son in a champagne water fight in a rented reception hall. She taught her son how to be a leader, how to be an activist, but also a lover of Philippine culture and community,” Mina Layba said. Ted took her to theater to see plays and to enjoy concerts, some of which he produced himself. Fe enjoyed her photo moments with the stars: Lou Diamond Philips, Tia Carrere, Martin Nievera, Morris Alpert, Becca Godinez, Lea Salonga and Tamlyn Tomita.
Fe attended the opening night of The Romance of Magno Rubio — a play about the manongs and their struggles in the agricultural fields of California.This play was dedicated to Fe’s husband, Max, who worked as a chef for the US Navy, preparing 6,000 dozen eggs to serve a mess hall of soldiers. “She loved theater and plays because it brought her closer to home,” Ted said.
She enjoyed traveling to visit with family and friends, “terrorizing leather makers in Italy and jewelry makers in Greece,” added Ted.
Ted would affectionately say, “But I love you, Mom, “ and she would respond: “I love you, too!”
Even while she was in much pain at the hospital, she gave unequivocal love to Ted.
“She adored Ted,” said Msgr. Loftus.
Tita Pat Delacruz, her loyal friend and caregiver recounted one of Fe’s outrageous comments: “Suntukin mo nga iyang mga nurses na iyan.” Fe’s feistiness and sense of humor were irrepressible, even while hospitalized. Fe always thought of others, before herself. When she was living at the Nazareth House of West Los Angeles, she perked up when we brought her pinakbet and daing na bangus.“I see people here who are sad because they have no visitors. But I believe God has chosen this place for me at this time so that I may fulfill a mission here: to offer counseling to those who are lonely, to sit and talk and listen with them, to draw them out of their loneliness,” Tidings.com reported.
“She thought about our youth and how fortunate they are to have all the technology today. But, she laments that many of them lack goals and the motivation to achieve them. Her dream was to help them discover their goals, which she believes can be done, with an education in spirituality, “ Tidings.com added.
Greatest lesson from Fe
Ted admits that the greatest lesson she learned from his mother is to help one’s fellowmen in whatever capacity one can.
“On her service as a volunteer for the Manila Archdiocese: ‘I didn’t mind. I loved it. Because I have always done my best to live the Holy Gospel. I have always believed in what Matthew 25 says: ‘What you do for the least of my brethren, you do for me,’” wrote Tidings.com about Fe.
Fe devoted herself to parish and community work. “At St. Gerard Majella in Mar Vista, she was a eucharistic minister and the first president of the parish Filipino Rosary Group. She is proud of her association with the Catholic Daughters of the Americas (Courts Isabella and St. Michael), and directed the philanthropic committee of the Los Angeles Filipino American Women’s Club. I really enjoyed leading those parenting classes in East LA. It is so important that parents serve as good role models, because there is a much better chance of reducing crime when there are good examples in the home.”
Ted meticulously made Fe’s funeral arrangements, honoring his mother’s classy, fun and funny ways. He prepared a slide show about her life’s journey in the Philippines and in the United States, accompanied by the haranas of the early periods, when men sang “Dahil Sa Iyo” to the women they courted and a program, entitled “Remembered in Love.” The reception was tastefully prepared by the meticulous staff of LA Rose Cafe, owned by Lem Balagot, who served all with loving care. Fe loved and cherished each person, believing each is God’s gift to her. “So, put on your favorite hat, cook your favorite sinigang, play your favorite harana song, smile, look up to the heavens and you will see this beautiful angel named Fe,” said Mina Layba. Her life of demonstrating God’s love to others was a vibrant, well–composed life of compassionate service. She lived an extraordinary life of joy, filled with unequivocal love for family, friends and community! We love you, Tita Fe! We will look after your pride and joy, Ted!
I was walking down the trail from Mirror Lake when I said that my shoes were causing me cramps. My hubby offered to re-tie my shoe laces and even illustrated a new way of tying a knot that did not need me to double tie it. Now, I considered that so loving and quite generous. I was quite happy, even if tired at the end of the trail. When we got back to the campsite, I pan-seared salmon for both of us and paired it with pan-sauteed asparagus and fuji apples. Like Raymond Oliver said, “”Cooking is like the fruit of a great love: a strong and slightly egotistical love on the part of the men, altruistic and sensitive on the part of the women. Be it one or the other, it is always present, demanding its share of gratitude and recognition. Isn’t this natural? For therein lies a basic principle. Cooking cannot, without risk, be stripped of its intentions, of its rites, of its symbols. It must create happiness at any price. There can be no happiness without love, that goes without saying, whatever the form of the latter. ” I create happiness through my cooking…
It was January 4, 1979. We had such a laugh, because our minister Kei Kokubun told everyone that was the longest recorded kiss he witnessed in all 20 years of his ministering to wedded couples. We could not help ourselves, laughing heartily, when he said he timed it. When I look at this, I could feel the warmth and depth of my husband’s love and likewise, the gift of struggle I endured at the hands of my father, who banned me from family events when I lived together with him. To discourage me from loving him, my dad said I would not last long. He told me he would not talk to me unless I got married. But love prevails and each year of the last 34 years of being married, we celebrate our anniversary, regardless of our highs and our lows. I remember one anniversary when he took me to the most expensive french restaurant in Brentwood, gave me the biggest, most fragrant bouquet I have ever seen, and where we got served dinner for three hours, cleansing our palate after each dish. The monkey bread was served in a clay pot. I thought that was the end of it. Then, with a smile in his face, this was 1986, he took me to a revolving restaurant downtown in a bank building, with a dancing floor.
41 years ago, when we exchanged our vows in January. My dad was perhaps the happiest of all. Fortunately, we defied the odds against us and persisted to love, to honor, to fight, to struggle, to forgive, to have fun, to dialogue, to depend on each other and to commit to one another every year. #myforevervalentine
My #princess2015la asked when we got married so I shared her the wedding album.
Racists hide their venomous hatred by calling us all sorts of names. I was called by a musician who self-identifies as a Christian as a corrupt believer of God.
I believe in gay marriage. He swoons over his love for his wife in front of an audience of hundreds, yet he feels he is entitled to constrict the love between two men or two women. Why is his love superior than the true love I see amongst my gay relatives and friends, when I find them in fact more loving and more supportive to each other than even some of my long standing straight – married friends, including moi. We can learn love from gay folks, us straight folks!
I am not demeaned by his statements, but he certainly demeaned himself and his God-identified persona by judging me for the bible he quotes ” Judge not for thou shalt be judged” and his venomous statements do not reflect the love God has for all of us.
I share facts as I come across them, never about calling and judging folks as “corrupt”. I said Romney has lied, because he has been caught by many journalists as spinning tales that never occurred and I personally watched him lie and his facial demeanor changed as he lied. Souls do not condone lies, they reveal truth that extends to one’s body language. So if you say you are about Love for God, love even those who disagree with you for God loves us all!
“ Patriotic, responsible businesses in America are getting punished while these global corporations that call themselves American companies get away with murder. A lot of global corporations call themselves American corporations, but they treat America the way that a foreign corporation often treats countries we used to call Third World countries. They take, take, take, and give nothing back. When these global corporations want to use our court system or when they need the support of our military or they want to use our roads, then they’re American corporations. But when it’s time to create profits all that’s done overseas with the tax havens and their off-shore operations. Those are the corporations, plus the worst of Wall Street, that are making the American Dream impossible. “ Van Jones, 2011.
Van Jones shared his analysis, an excerpt above, and his views about the Green Collar Economy with Sarah Van Gelder of Yes Magazine. I am currently reading his book on the Green Collar Economy, where he shares three pillars of greening an ecomony: reverence for all creation, equal opportunity to those in pursuit of equity, and minimizing the pain for the impacted group.
Van Jones describes the economy of the United States as so big, its economy dwarfs that of the two Chinas. He argues that the largesse of the economy is being maldistributed and its benefits are not going to fund the social contract benefits of living in the US: the roads, the bridges, the schools, the hospitals and instead, $2.3 trillion in cash reserves sit in the coffers of big corporations. Nancy Pelosi recently shared a slide on facebook, showing 189% of the debt created under Pres. Reagan, 55% under Pres. GHW Bush, 37% under Pres. Clinton, 86% under Pres. G.W. Bush and 35% under Pres. Obama.
How did this happen? When you have the capital gains tax formerly at 28% under Pres. Ronald Reagan, you can accept it to go down to 20% under Pres. Bill Clinton, as the economy had billions in surplus. When Pres. G.W. Bush took office, he took the capital gains tax down to 15% while at the same time, tax credits to the rich that cost the economy a $1 trillion and then, launched the country into a war in Iraq, costing $122 billion a year, now at $2 trillion, including Afghanistan. You have a decade long with the economy going towards the superrich and the mega corporations that the middle class has been taxed to the maximum.
Do you feel that you have to draw down from your savings just to pay the federal taxes? Or that you have no disposable income to speak of?
Some would argue that $1 trillion went to health care reform, which benefits the middle class, but it went first to the elderly, the retired folks who paid to the nose in Social Security while they were working, the disabled, and the veterans. We used up the prior treasury reserves to go overseas to fully support the wars, and even build roads in Iraq, while our own roads here, where we live, the pockmarked surfaces we find in Third World countries we visit, now are our daily realities.
So much so that when we drove South and North on Highway 74, Freeway 805 and Freeway 405, they had been repaved in San Diego and Orange Counties, that we can see the fruits of our federal taxes benefiting us. But what about our court systems? What about our food processing systems? Or our schools? Our drinking water? Our hospitals?
How do we now re-imagine a new green economy that gives back to all of us? Cheap patriotism simply would have us go back to the old ways, keep taxing the middle class, and keep giving the tax benefits to the superrich, as the theory goes, so that they can invest them in jobs and these benefits would trickle down.
Have you seen the trickle of benefits down for a decade? NPR radio reported the creation of 150,000 new jobs each month, the growth of the economy at 3% but with the swell in unemployment ranks and the increase in young graduates, it seems that the new job creation cannot keep up to sustain the swell in labor force.
Instead, what you see are the sacrifices of the small businesses who, for love and concern for their labor force, extend their own personal reserves to cover their payrolls, take a second mortgage from their homes, even sacrifice going on vacations so their employees are retained and not laid off. These small businesses are the engine of the Los Angeles economy during the last recession of the early 1990s, some are the immigrant entrepreneurs who created jobs that kept the economy going, most of which were in ethnic food products processing industry.
Some of these owners even went to specialized skills training with their workers to see how they can improve their techniques in processing and create high value in their products and in the process created solid teamwork. When they had teamwork with their employees, they grew their small businesses to reap 600% increase in profits and some even moved to larger facilities.
What they learned is when they shared the benefits with their employees, they gained; what the employees learned is when they shared the sacrifices of their employers, they too benefited and got to grow with the companies as the economy improved. Now, they are part and parcel of our American staples: Mexican, Italian, Ethiopian, Filipino, Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese, Cambodian, Nepalese, Tibetan, Singaporean, Malaysian foods and many more. You can even have some of these brand names going places and beyond Los Angeles to New York or even Las Vegas.
These are some of the lessons I learned from working with small businesses, monitoring their good manufacturing practices and helping out in training them to be more proactive in building a house of quality for their workplaces. When the employers benefited all employees, their shared sacrifice was but for a shorter period of time, and when the economy grew, all employees shared in the later gains and benefits with increase in their salaries and titles to go with their new responsibilities and new business growth. For us, the state regulators who were impacted by the recession, we did not use our state cars, for we did not want to incur additional costs to the state. Instead, we took the bus and in some instances, we carpooled and planned our visits to the factories. Our shared sacrifices got the attention of our deputy directors that when the economy improved, they gave our agency an increase in travel budget.
This is the unwritten social contract in America, when you take care of others, or your own employees and ride out the recession with them, you somehow get to see your own prosperity is just around the corner, as there seems to be reverence for all, and the impact to those affected are minimized and equity builders are given a chance to share later on. Let us ride out this recession by not the short-term gains of cheap patriotism, but a deeper faith in our employees and make our patriotism deeper to reach those within our spheres of influence. Somehow, in Wall Street, they rode out into the sunset, using the cheap thrills of our pension funds, and now, one of theirs sits in jail, named Bernie Maddoff, and for whom, some recent Hollywood films illustrate their systemic greed and cheap patriotism, loving simply their own without regard for others!
Prosy Abarquez-Delacruz, J.D. started her column, Rhizomes, to impart new buds of mentoring lessons, from folks who are planted firmly on the ground, who have a keen sense of who they are, and their blessings. She also writes about politics, arts, spirituality, music, community service, and ethical leadership in this space. She was a former Commissioner for LA City’s Civil Service and LA Convention Center and worked for 27 years at California Dept. of Public Health’s Food and Drug Branch, a post she retired from. She has been a community volunteer for three and a half decades.